Every October, the neighborhood worries about vampires, witches, and zombies.

Meanwhile, my kids are living with the scariest creature of them all...

A Momster.

By day, I'm just your average mom. 

I pack lunches, answer seventeen thousand questions before 8 am, and remind everyone that hoodies are not magically clean because they "don't smell."

But the moment Halloween decorations go up......she awakens.

The first sign is the coffee. It no longer comes in a mug. It comes in a cauldron.

Then the Halloween bins appear from the garage. Somehow there are 47 skeletons, six haunted trees, three animatronic witches, and approximately 900 bats. 

The Momster simply hisses.

The children know the rules.

Touch the Halloween candy before October 31st?

Lose a finger.

Ask if we really need another pumpkin?

Sleep with one eye open.

Tell me Spirit Halloween already has Christmas decorations out?

Congratulations. You've unlocked a 45-minute rant.

The transformation reaches its peak during Trick-or-Treat.

While other parents wear jeans and a sweatshirt, I emerge in full spooky attire with matching earrings, themed nails, glitter, a custom Halloween tee, and enough skeleton accessories to qualify as an honorary member of the undead.

The kids pretend they don't know me.

Five minutes later, they're asking me to hold their candy buckets.

Typical.

By the end of the night, my feet hurt, my voice is gone from yelling "SAY THANK YOU!", and I'm carrying three candy bags because apparently children lose the ability to hold objects after collecting exactly 112 pieces of candy.

As we stumble back into the house, covered in leaves and questionable face paint, my youngest looks up at me and smiles.

"Mom... you're the best Momster ever."

I smile back, toss another handful of mini chocolate bars into my own secret candy stash, and whisper the ancient words every Halloween mom knows by heart:"Don't tell your siblings I have the good candy."

Because being a Momster isn't about being scary.

It's surviving October with caffeine, sarcasm, and just enough spooky spirit to make magical memories......while secretly eating all the peanut butter cups after everyone goes to bed.